Systematic Chaos

Its been a tough week as usual. Work has been unrelenting as I strive to get ahead and make advances towards a new life.Applying for new jobs has been easy however returns have been zilch so far. While my ever patient and beautiful girlfriend and I discuss a future life together, we both suffer in silence within the loneliness of now. She means so much to me,and I do worry someone or something will come along and render my hopes and dreams asunder. She deserves to have someone with her right now to help her combat her own dilemmas she's facing at the moment,and I feel helpless stuck here,trying to worm my way out of a self imposed rut. I fear she may lose patience for me, and if that happened I wouldn't know where to turn. She fills my heart up with light and love,and a future with her would be a dream of mine I feel. We have that get it factor-where we understand each other without having to explain in great detail how we feel and what we need. I perhaps wallow too much lately in self absorption and negativity,but I find it hard once I've been with her a few hours,to be able to recreate that feeling of happiness and belonging at home on my own. Books,music and T.V and internet only go so far!!! And copious amounts of alcohol doesn't help anyone. So,therefore-I must grit my teeth and comtinue to work towards fulfilling this dream!!! Coz I love her so....