Disturbing but intriguing
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Positive Things
I've decided to write a list of things I like to balance all my recent negative thinking!So here goes-I love the rain,gazing on a beautiful beach or coastline,listening to music that moves me,driving around the city in early hours when no traffic around(very pretty),my girlfriends eyes and smile,my girlfriend hehe,beautifully restored cars or tastefully modified wheels,eating at restaurants,chocolate,trying different cheeses,drinking good bourbon or scotch whisky,looking through antique shops/op shops for treasures,playing classical music on the piano,walks in rainforests,watching comedies and romantic movies,listening to loud metal music when the mood suits,driving to different places and exploring those places,trying different cuisine,veging out after a hard week at work,cuddling up in front of a fire,chatting online,listening to peoples different life stories,creepy movies,computing magazines to keep up with technology,laughing with friends,watching movies with my girlfriend or daughter,any time spent with these two fantastic people,drinks with close friends,watching live music,thunderstorms,fishing when i get the chance(don't like hurting the fish though!have become the eternal pacifist-don't even like killing spiders in the toilet!),holding my gf close and hearing her soft breathing and heartbeat,making love,escaping into a good book,iced coffee(only farmers union though heh),sitting next to the one you love and feeling content,and many other things i just can't remember right now!!!!!! life does have its good moments :)
Musings and Melancholy
Its been a tough week as usual. Work has been unrelenting as I strive to get ahead and make advances towards a new life.Applying for new jobs has been easy however returns have been zilch so far. While my ever patient and beautiful girlfriend and I discuss a future life together, we both suffer in silence within the loneliness of now. She means so much to me,and I do worry someone or something will come along and render my hopes and dreams asunder. She deserves to have someone with her right now to help her combat her own dilemmas she's facing at the moment,and I feel helpless stuck here,trying to worm my way out of a self imposed rut. I fear she may lose patience for me, and if that happened I wouldn't know where to turn. She fills my heart up with light and love,and a future with her would be a dream of mine I feel. We have that get it factor-where we understand each other without having to explain in great detail how we feel and what we need. I perhaps wallow too much lately in self absorption and negativity,but I find it hard once I've been with her a few hours,to be able to recreate that feeling of happiness and belonging at home on my own. Books,music and T.V and internet only go so far!!! And copious amounts of alcohol doesn't help anyone. So,therefore-I must grit my teeth and comtinue to work towards fulfilling this dream!!! Coz I love her so....
Ramblings
Ah its late for me, i'm normally in bed! I just can't stop thinking about events in my life-some that i've waited ages for,and the people who think its their right to thwart my happiness. I believe in following your heart,and my heart is with the girl i've fallen deeply in love with. Yes,I do have certain obligations in regards to family. However, I can only do so much and a lot of the time I am not needed where it counts. I have for the second time returned to offer some assistance,however occupation obligations and family dynamics have prevented myself from making any real impact,other then to reinforce my aimless wandering in a world not of my choosing.I see my daughter growing up with a false sense of whats most important in life-while I try and instil proper moral structure and whats most important in life,it continually gets undermined by narrow-minded individuals who continually fail to see the bigger picture. Thus I need to follow my hearts desire's to prevent a certain emotional and soul destroying implosion within myself of being unable to fulfil my own elusive destiny. I believe I am here this time round to value the intricacies of unconditional love-something which my temperament and life has thus eluded me yet taught me many lessons of people's separate thinking and searches for their own meanings of life. I believe I have found what I am looking for-someone to bestow my appreciation and endless loving capacity towards and who will never lack for companionship and endless respect and admiration. Does this mean my life will end soon as I have learnt the meaning this time around? Or will I finally be able to see out my remaining years exploring the wondrous experiences that this love will bring,and which I have searched for for so long? I hope its the latter as I look forward to many years of being with my beautiful girl friend,learning her nature,her likes/dislikes and her enthusiasm for the things she holds dear. She already makes me see things i have been blind too before,and fulfils me in a way I'm so unaccustomed too.So why should other's try to deny this to me? Well i won't let that happen-they may disagree but its my life after all. Everyone has there path-let mine be completed with happiness and contentment,and to stop the bewildering confusion my life has been. Long live love and thank the universe for the enriching life I will lead from this moment on.
Weekend!!
After 3 weeks of wistful longing and sadness,it was decided i would drive to Melbourne to see my lovely lady,whom i miss very much. Alas I decided to do this after a 7 hour shift starting at 1am,but love keeps you awake!! Being Valentines Day was an extra spur-who wants to be alone on the day the whole world treasures and spoils there loved peoples??? It was a blissful 3 nights and 2 days-I always treasure her company as she is so easy-going.kind and beautiful,and always will be.Leaving always makes me tearful-I have never felt such depth of feeling for anyone in my life,and it can take your breath away sometimes! As I live on my own its getting harder and harder to cope this way,as well as dealing with a dislike of my surroundings and hatred of my occupation. Things need to change!!!
Ramblings
Road rage-is it preventable? Yes and No i think.As a regular truck driver,encountering heaps of traffic on the roads of Adelaide, i'm not surprised at the amount of rage out there,I too get angry when I have places to go,and find people at the front of the traffic lights who seem to fall asleep-and end up moving a minute later and as I go to come through there the lights have changed already. I know, patience is a virtue but being on the road up to 12 hours sometimes entitles me to be home earlier sometimes lol. And those idiots who think its funny trying to race a ten tonne truck to a gap in the traffic make me laugh. And what about those who can't seem to read speed signs and do 60 in an 80 zone,or do 40 even,holding up banks of traffic and raising blood pressure everywhere!!! I know.tolerance required too on my behalf,but as a usually very patient person it pushes my buttons too!!! I believe people need to take driving more seriously at times-i'm sure some just meander along,daydreaming like Mr.Magoo while 10000 pile ups occur behind their wake due to absent minded lane changing without indicating and braking for every car coming out of a side street!!! Wtf? Keep it moving people!!! And there is probably more but I have taxi drivers to annoy-and thats another story hehe
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